marriage, yoga, divorce and the in-betweenby Raquel Bueno January 29, 2015 0 comments
My first Yoga Teacher Training started with the instructor saying something like this:
“I’m not always sure why people want to do teacher trainings. They can make you quit your job, change your friendships, and might even end your marriage.”
In my head I responded, “So you say, but there’s no way that’s me.”
And in that moment it wasn’t. I adored my husband, didn’t totally hate my job and enjoyed my relationships with friends and family.
It took about a year for it to kick in.
First, the marriage and eventually the job. Friendships changed as a result of those two shifts. Honestly, it did not let up for about three more years. And it was hard. Relentless hard. My ex-husband blamed yoga, blamed my teacher and blamed me.
I did too. Self-blame, yoga-blame, teacher-blame, god-blame. I resented my practice. Resented that it was more consistent than anything else in my life.
Was it yoga’s “fault?” Absolutely. Yoga is a truth-teller, a leveler, a seeker of light. And it will take you through every corner or crevice in order to eventually set you free.
IS this everyone’s experience? Absolutely not. But it was mine and I’ve spoken to friends and teachers who have experienced so much transformation in their lives that they too lost their footing…for a while. But you wake up, get on your mat, cry a bunch and in my case, combine all that with a good therapist. Practiced seeing the light in me through the light in you because sometimes you forget what your own light looks like. Namaste y’all…I live in Nashville.
So, this story begs a good ending. I’m not re-married or in a relationship right now and I’m not completely fulfilled. But, here’s the deal; my life is rich and beautiful and full. I’m a yoga teacher, sculptor and studio owner. I’m surrounded by honesty and held consistently in a whole lot of love. I move into my life more like a warrior and recognize that I’m blessed by plenty of fire, water, air, earth and some much needed space. Mantra, movement, and the perfect amount of madness have eased and tempered the ferocity and perfectionism of my heart. And yes, I blame yoga.